tl;dr cr meme

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RELATIONSHIPS❤MEME
① List all the characters you play.
② People reply with CR they truly, madly, deeply want to know about.
③ tl;dr on character relationships. first impressions count too!
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[derepressed]

tell me about ur feelings before it's too late

[souredsweet]

WHY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE oh my god why that icon just w h y

gosh. OKAY THOUGH oh boy. So Kaoru obviously knew from the start who Chizuru was, and he knew from the end of the first week that she was a designated killer, so he had a lot of time to prepare himself for the "inevitability" of her death - specifically her execution. He spent a lot of the first few weeks being upset whenever Chizuru would get upset at another killer for killing, since he knew she was planning on doing the same thing AND FOR OKITA OF ALL PEOPLE, THREE YEARS LATER AND HE'S STILL HAUNTED BY OKITA... He had a lot of issues in general with the DK group this round just because he couldn't stop comparing them to his own in pretty much every regard, which is why it took him so long to understand the CCDKs in general, they are just that different from what he had personally experienced. He read a lot of hypocrisy into Chizuru's actions which irritated him, but that did kind of fade with time, because he uh... ended up getting a lot more involved with her than he ever intended to.

Basically he was trying to keep Chizuru at arm's length. He didn't know she'd be in the game (though he wasn't surprised to learn it) and he knew he'd have more of a chance of slipping up if he had to deal with her at any great lengths. And he did pretty well with this at first! He was able to keep up the pretense of wanting to become close without actually becoming close. The process of that being worn down was so gradual that Kaoru didn't even realize it until the hostage incentive week when he realized that holy shit he didn't want Chizuru to kill after all. He knew that it would be better if she could just get out of the game and hang out in the safety of the graveyard, which is why he was so keen on her getting offed early or scapegoated or something, but in that moment he realized that he really did not want Chizuru to die, which kind of freaked him out. He knew he'd have a harder time dealing with her eventual death and pressing forward with the mission if he started lapsing into that mentality.

But it was basically a downhill slide from there... He was so desperate for Chizuru's company after three years without seeing her or knowing where she was or how she was doing that he really couldn't bring himself to detach from Chizuru. It's a conflict that manifested again during the sixth week when she was offering to scapegoat herself for Rin; the opportunity would have been perfect, but he didn't stand passively to the side or even try for only a half-hearted argument; he very firmly stated that he couldn't support her choosing that. He did regret it to a degree after, because he knew Chizuru would be forced into action eventually. The last thing he wanted for her is bloodied hands and an execution, but he kind of tried to readapt to the idea that it was inevitable.

AND THEN SHE GOT BLOWN UP...... And that hit him really hard, because he had been preparing 8 weeks for the possibility of Chizuru's execution and he just didn't understand why this would happen at all. He was 100% genuine in his body discovery reaction and the only thing that really shook him out of it and allowed him to properly prepare for the trial is that he was checked in on by Sebastian and Stiles. He learned that Chizuru "chose" what happened from Stiles, which is what allowed him to proceed in a manner that wasn't a frothing ragebeast, which helped him out in the long term because he probably would have blown his cover that week otherwise. He could only fret and wait after that, and threw himself back into the mission as a distraction.

And then they had to go decapitate some guys together AND THAT SURE WAS A THING and he'll honestly feel guilty about it for a while because one of the good things about her being blown up is that she didn't have to kill anyone! But the she did!! But he'll deal with that later, because the actual reunion was much more important to him. He had been trying so hard to think of what he should say once they met again and in the end he got so much more from that conversation than he ever thought he could. He expected Chizuru to at least be somewhat hesitant, but she accepted him with open arms instead and HONESTLY I COULD DO A WHOLE SEPARATE META ABOUT HOW MUCH THAT MEANT TO HIM and how big of an impact it'll have on shaping him in the near and distant future but I'm already hella tl;dr so I'll just say that he really, really loves Chizuru and he's so happy about the chance to patch things up with her for real that he could cry. He will be doing his best to be a proper brother to his baby sister while they're stuck!!